; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just fell off a train. Bad.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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