I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
