Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
