I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
