how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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