I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
