He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
