I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
