Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
