I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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