So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
