College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
