he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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