Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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