Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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