yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't turn off my feet"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
