My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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