She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
