this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
