i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
