Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
