that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
