My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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