Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
