Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
