the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
