That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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