My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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