He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
