My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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