im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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