is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
