I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
