I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
