She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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