can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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