We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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