I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
