I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
