Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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