My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
