Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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