brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
