Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
