Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
