I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
