I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
