I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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