True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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