She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
