Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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