right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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