you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
