we made out on top of his cat.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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